Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
