If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
