I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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