He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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