I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
