Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
