No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
