So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
