I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
