I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
