Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
