We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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