Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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