fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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