Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
