I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
