Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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