i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
