When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
