My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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