Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
