Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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