Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
