Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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