To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
