How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
