I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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