so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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