Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
