I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
