They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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