Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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