i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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