he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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