I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
