I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
