I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
