Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
