you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
