i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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