Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
