Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
