Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
