i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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