he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
