So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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