i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
