DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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