Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
