living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
