i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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